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At some point in time, the idea of getting back with your ex might enter your mind. After all, you had a lot of good times. You had some bad times, too, but you believe that you might know the best way to work out the kinks.
You might be asking yourself right now, “Should I even try to get my ex back?” These are some of the pros and cons of trying to get your ex back along with some expert input and statistics. Use this information to make your decision, and you’ll likely make the right one.
Questions to Ask Yourself
Before you embark on a high-speed mission to get your ex back, you should ask yourself a few questions. These are some of the top questions you should ask and then ponder.
1. Will It Improve the Quality of My Life?
One of the first questions to ask yourself is whether resuming the relationship will improve your life quality. If it will add emotional or financial support or give you positive companionship, then you may want to give it a try. If you don’t see any life quality improvements in getting back with your ex, then you probably shouldn’t waste your time.
2. Do We Have Children?
You may want to consider getting back with your ex if you have children together. Children fare much better when they have two-parent homes. According to GillespieShields, children who grow up in two-parent homes are up to 35 percent healthier than children who do not. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. It may not be wise for you to reunite with your ex if there is a history of abuse in the home.
3. Is There Abuse in the Relationship?
Emotional, physical and verbal abuse can destroy a person’s self-esteem and leave scars for a lifetime. Ask yourself an honest question about whether you experienced abuse in the relationship. If the answer is yes, then you may not want to resume it until your ex gets help, or the two of you go to counseling.
4. Where Will the Relationship Go?
Ask yourself about the goals you have for the relationship. Do you want to marry your ex? Are you okay just living with him or her? Make sure that the two of you are on the same page before you recommit to that person.
5. Does Interacting With This Person Make Me Feel Good or Bad?
One of the most important questions to ask yourself about whether to go back to your ex is how the interactions make you feel. Your ex might be a great prospect if the interactions that you have with him or her lift you up. On the other end, you shouldn’t want to return to someone who makes you feel bad about yourself every time you connect.
The Pros of Getting Back With Your Ex
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As we said before, there are good reasons and bad reasons for you to get back with your ex. Here is a breakdown of the three most positive pros of going to an ex.
Familiarity
You are already familiar with your ex and his or her good and bad habits. You don’t have to spend the time getting to know this person. You can simply surpass the awkward stage and get right into the relationship where you left off.
History
There’s a certain level of comfort when you get back together with someone with whom you share history. You already have a ton of memories, and you can spend a lot of time with that person making even more. You may already know each other’s families, as well. This individual is already incorporated into your life, and that might make you feel secure.
Mutual Love
Another good reason to get back together with your ex is that you both share a mutual love. Love is hard to come by, and it’s worth holding onto if you find it.
The Cons of Getting Back With Your Ex
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There are also some reasons to be apprehensive about getting back together with your ex. These are a few of those reasons.
Disappointment
You could be in for a disappointment if you expect your ex to change some behaviors, and he or she doesn’t. That’s why it’s crucial to establish your boundaries long before you decide to dive head-first into another relationship attempt.
Talk to your ex first before you accept the relationship again. Let him or her know what you need and what he or she has to do to make this second or third chance acceptable. Come up with a compromise before you get into the relationship again full force. If your ex isn’t willing to compromise, then you may want to reconsider.
Wasted Time
When you decide to go back to an ex, you forego the opportunity to try a relationship with someone new. If things don’t go well, then you may feel as though you’ve wasted your time.
Another Breakup
At the very worst, the two of you might break up again. Then, you’ll have to go through all the pain and the stages of grief all over again. You’ll become bound to this person again during the time of your reconciliation, and the breakup might be more painful than any other breakup you’ve experienced.
Expert Opinions and Statistics
You may be asking yourself right now if getting back together with an ex works. We have a few expert opinions for you. According to The Modern Man, the chances of getting back together after a breakup are as high as 72 percent. The chances of staying together after a breakup are only high for people who are already married, and even then, there’s only a little more than a 50 percent chance of success.
Psychology Today says that a reunite is the perfect opportunity to introduce change. Therefore, getting back together with an ex just might work if both of you are willing to make a few changes for the better of your futures.
Bustle says that there are times when a breakup and then a reunite is actually good for your relationship. Examples are times when the relationship has lost direction and when someone needs to gain perspective.
Psychology Today has another opinion about on-again-off-again relationships. They say that such relationships are likely to continue in the on-again-off-again pattern even if the reuniting couple marries.
Take that information into consideration as you decide whether or not to reunite with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend.
Our Opinion
We believe that it’s your call on whether or not you give your ex another chance, or you put yourself out there and chase your ex. However, it’s important to acknowledge that more often than not exes are exes for a reason. The relationship is likely to cycle and then end up in another breakup if you don’t state your needs and try to foster change and improvement.
It takes time to get to know a new person, and we understand that. However, your success rates are probably higher with a new person than they are with an ex whom you’ve already broken up with in the past. You may want to go out on a few dates with some new people and see how that works for you.
With enough time, you can establish a secure and mutual love for another person. That person will have different personality traits and tendencies from your ex. He or she may be a better fit for you. You’ll never know if you don’t take the risk and try. The worst that can happen is that you’ll end up breaking up with the new person.
With that being said, we will say this: If you really love your ex, give it another try.
The Choice Is Yours
Now you know the pros and cons of taking your ex back, and you’ve read some expert opinions on the matter. Ultimately, the choice is yours. You have to decide what’s best for you and then make the decision that will give you the healthiest lifestyle.
About the author
Jason Fladien has been a relationship coach for over 12 years. He used to struggle so much in his own love life that he decided to learn everything there is to achieve such level of understanding at which he’d not only be able to completely change his life but also help others to change theirs. Now he’s on a mission to help others achieve effortless and happy relationships as he believes that the quality of your life is defined by the quality of your relationships. He runs getexbackforgood.com and offers one-on-one coaching sessions.